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Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.

One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The ninety year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow." "So what's your problem?" asked the others.

"I don't wake up until nine."

johnboy wrote:Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.

One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The ninety year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow." "So what's your problem?" asked the others.

"I don't wake up until nine."

Ghosty.

Thank you friends.

Mike & Nico laughed a lot.

Two Men are drinking bourbon in the sky bar 80 stories up in the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says "Do you know, if you jump off the balcony you only fall to the tenth floor, then a wind catches you, blows you round the building and onto a balcony and you can get the lift back up here"
"You're kidding" says the other. "No I'm not" and he jumps off the balcony. Tenth floor a wind takes him round the building and he comes back up in the lift. "That's a fluke do it again" so he does, same result.
" I'm having a go at that" and the second man jumps off the balcony. Tenth floor, ninth floor, eighth floor, no wind and the poor guy falls to the ground, dead.
The barkeeper turns to the other man and says " Superman, you're a right wanker when you're pissed"

GHOSTHUNTER wrote:

zBret wrote:At least that one is not 3000 ft up in the air Mike, like that mountain bridge !

zBret

"3,000 ft up in the air"...now come on zBret, I've told you a Million times not to exagerate.

Ghosty.

Exaggerate ! Ghosty that bridge on Mike's mountain is so high, that you have to file a flight plan and contact air traffic control before crossing it.

Hi

a couple, both 60 years old, are sitting at home on the sofa.
Suddenly a fairy godmother appeared an the man had one wish for free.
He thought it over a while and then he said: I want my wife to be 30 years younger than me.
After a flash he founds his wife still sixty years old but he was 90.

Stephan

"I was working late in the Carphone warehouse last night when my Woman text me."

"Steve
thespacebuttononmyphoneisfaultypleasecomehomeandgivemeanalternative."

"As I sped home I couldn't help but think.......What the fuck does 'ternative' mean

A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time. He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an Irish lorry driver pulls over.

"Where they going?" asks the Irish chap.
"Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me," says the driver, "and here's a hundred quid for your troubles."
"Happy days," says the Irish fella, loads the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his way.

The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for a good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down the motorway, still with all the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him down again.

"What are you playing at?" he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester Zoo !"
"I did," says the Irish fella, "but there is still fifty quid left so now we're going to Alton Towers."

Barnsley miner arrives home from work to find his wife laying on the kitchen floor bleeding from her fanny.
Quickly, he phones the doctor to tell him the situation who replies 'Has she got the coil in' ?
The miner replied 'Got the coil in, Got the coil in my arse, She ent even med mi fuckin dinner !