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johnboy wrote:

GHOSTHUNTER wrote:Better make sure Hugh doesn't read that...

Ghosty.

But it's the dog's fault surely.

Well I am not sure, because if the Dog had written the sign he would have (or should), have used capitol letters for Cat, so I think the Dog is being framed by someone, maybe the Budgie.

Ghosty.

GHOSTHUNTER wrote:

johnboy wrote:

GHOSTHUNTER wrote:Better make sure Hugh doesn't read that...

Ghosty.

But it's the dog's fault surely.

Well I am not sure, because if the Dog had written the sign he would have (or should), have used capitol letters for Cat, so I think the Dog is being framed by someone, maybe the Budgie.

Ghosty.

I'm not sure either, I've met some fairly illiterate dogs (but that's a story for another day) This one may be quite well educated but have a normal distain for Cats.

Johnboy said..."I'm not sure either, I've met some fairly illiterate dogs (but that's a story for another day) This one may be quite well educated but have a normal distain for Cats".

So you think the Dog is Belittling the Cat by deliberately using a lower case letter, therefore giving the Cat some sort of inferior complex state, Hmm, interesting.

Ghosty.

It is Sunday morning, the vicar is in his church and is ready to do his sermon.
But as he still has an hour and a half to spare before people will flock to church, he decides to take a spin on his bike in the country side.
"It will give me extra spirit" he says to the sexton.
So the vicar leaves to get on his bike, which is parked behind the church.
But within a minute he is back in the church looking very angry. What is wrong, the sexton asks.
Somebody stole my bike, it was parked behind the church and now it is gone.
What are you gonna do about it, asks the sexton.
The vicar answers, I am going to change my sermon, and instead I will address the congregation with all the ten commandments, and when I reach the 8th commandment: "Thou shalt not steal", I will pause and look the whole congregation in the eye and if the thief is among them, I will single him out and expose him. So the sermon starts. But after the 7th commandment the vicar ends the church service.
Back in his quarters the sexton asks the vicar why he did not proceed after the 7th commandment.
The vicar answer; the 7th commandment: Thou shalt not commit adultery, made me remember where I left my bike.............................

how to give a cat a pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little *@!%#'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

Coming next: How to give a hamster a pill.........

how to give a dog a pill

wrap in a sausage ..... throw to dog

On the roll:

Three elderly sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, shared a house together. One evening, the 96 year old sister went upstairs to take a bath. As she put her foot into the tub, she paused. Then she yelled down to the other two sisters and asked, "Was I getting in the tub or out?"

"You dern fool," said the 94 year old. "I'll come up and see." When she got half way up the stairs she paused. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old sister was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea and thought, "I hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She shook her head and called out, "I'll be up to help you both as soon as I see who's at the door."

You know you're getting old when you look in the mirror to shave and realize that the face you're looking at is your father's.