Where are the jokes in the forum?

[johnboy]

This is too deer for me:

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/COLLECTABLE-B ... 461e95bde2

[matchboxkiwi]

I know in the UK the Irish are the butt of most jokes but over here in New Zealand we like to make the Aussie's to butt of our jokes so here goes;

Why was the Christ child not born in Australia?
You'd have a hard job finding three wise men, much less a virgin!

Why do Australian horses run so fast?
They've seen what's happened to the sheep.

How can you tell when the Aussies are on the level?
They dribble out of both sides of their mouth.

You can tell a Aussie a mile off, but when he gets up close, you can't tell him a damn thing!

Why don't Aussies take their girlfriends to the football?
They keep jumping the fence and eating the grass.

What's the difference between Aussies and pigs?
Pigs don't turn in to Aussies when they drink.

What do you call an Aussie who farms both sheep and goats?
Bisexual.

Why do Aussie men always make love with their eyes closed?
They hate to see women enjoying themselves.

Cheers Steve
Matchboxkiwi

[mike]

Top Bedroom on wheels.

[johnboy]

Very nice Mike, but no en-suite

[motorman]

Top Bedroom on wheels.

More like a mobile Passion Wagon, GRRRRrrrrrrrr!!!

[fixer]

One day Nick is out riding his bike when the chain breaks, worried how he would get home he was relieved when a yellow Rolls Royce pulled up next to him "Nick old chap in a spot of bother "came a familiar voice from the rear window. "yes Ghosty my chain has broke " said a forlorn Nick
"no worries I'll get my man Marmaduke to tie your bike to the bumper and we can give you a tow "said the helpful Ghosty "any problems just ring your bell and we'll pull over "
Off they went and all was going well when they were passed by a Mercedes
"MARMADUKE " came a shout from the rear seat "catch that car, we can't be seen to be in second place to one of those "
Soon they were doing 100 mph and flashed past pc Alex of the motor division
Not believing what he saw he radioed in to the station "sarge I've just been passed by a Mercedes being chased by a yellow Rolls doinga hundred mph and there's a fellow on a bike ringing his bell trying to get past both of them "

[motorman]

Was the cylcist Nick Hoy? Chris's brother??? I would give them all a ticket!!

[GHOSTHUNTER]

[mike]

Very nice Mike, but no en-suite

But already, Johnboy.
camping next to a stream or river.

[nickjones]

I was sitting at a Red light yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn Green even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-British slogans, with a half- burned Union Jack duct-taped to the boot lid of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan, spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akhbar!" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere a bus came speeding through the junction and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Bloody hell! That could have been me !" So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a bus driver.