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Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 7:16 pm
by johnboy
Q - What do you call a pot-head who smokes two spliffs at the same time?
A - Double jointed.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2014 6:24 am
by kbean63
Are there any musicians in the crowd? I could relate a few musician jokes...
Kbean63
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2014 8:36 pm
by mike
No model cars!
This car constipation is real.
but not at the Austrian Alpine passes.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:30 pm
by ford_a_30
Holy cow, Mike! That picture is insane.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 4:43 pm
by mike
ford_a_30 wrote:Holy cow, Mike! That picture is insane.
Thank you Chris.
Looking forward that you like it.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 6:24 pm
by johnboy
Amazing! Truth is stranger than fiction.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2014 12:15 pm
by GHOSTHUNTER
MUSICAL JOKE!
I said to the barman in my pub the other night..."can I play your Piano"...
He said yes, cause you can...
I said ..."thats funny, I couldn't when I came in" !!!
Ghosty.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2014 6:38 pm
by Viewfield
They say the old ones are the best so here goes:
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: £2.50 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I sup pose
Woman:
So a beer costs £2.50 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at £225. In one year, it would be approximately £2700 …correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend £2700, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at £54,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:31 pm
by fixer
man walks into a bar ...............ouch !!!
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 7:57 am
by tractorboy
With many of us at an age where medical concerns are becoming a priority the following definitions may help on your next visit to the doctor.
vein ………………….. conceited
artery ……………….. the study of paintings
bacteria ……………. the back door of the cafeteria
bowel ………….…… a letter like a, e, i, o or u
cauterise ………….. make eye contact with her
colic ……………….… a sheep dog
dilate …………….…. to live long
enema …….………… not a friend
fester ……………….. quicker
hangnail …….……… coat hook
impotent ………….. distinguished well known
medical staff ……. a doctor's cane
morbid …………….. a higher offer
nitrates ……………. cheaper than day rates
node ……………….… was aware of
outpatient ………… a person who fainted
pap smear ………… a fatherhood test
pelvis ……….………. a cousin to Elvis
postoperative …… a letter carrier
recovery room ….. a place to do upholstery
rectum ……………… dang near killed 'em
seizure …………….. Roman emperor
tablet …………….… a small table
tumor ……………… more than one
urine ………………. opposite to you're out
varicose …………. nearby