A few seasonally topical jokes...
Q: How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
A: No Brussels.
Q: What do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner?
A: About 5 minutes.
Q: How do you recognise a Christmas tree that came from BHS?
A: All the branches have gone.
Q: Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet?
A: Because she is sick of F.B.I.
Q: What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a Christmas Carol?
A: O Comb Over Ye Faithful.
Q: Why didn't Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at The North Pole?
A: He couldn't get past Iceland.
Where are the jokes in the forum?
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
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numi
One cannot do much with all the monies in this world but can do much more if he strives toward contentment.
One cannot do much with all the monies in this world but can do much more if he strives toward contentment.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
A wealthy Nigerian Prince has died and left all his millions to his cat.
He said he tried to give away his fortune for years, but no one ever responded to his e-mails.
He said he tried to give away his fortune for years, but no one ever responded to his e-mails.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Check out the pilots names from this live news broadcast.
It might be time to start my "Bucket List."
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
You couldn't make that up 
MOTORMAN
"Kill all my demons and my angels will die too"
"Kill all my demons and my angels will die too"
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
I was the next at the desk at the drugstore, where i asked for 50 condoms. Two nice girls waiting behind me started to giggle and and one said "wow". I took a look a them and then said to the clerk: Give me 52!"
Roland
Variations are bad for limited showcases
Variations are bad for limited showcases
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
The kids threw-up when I told them I'd but ginger in the curry.
They really loved that cat.
They really loved that cat.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
I don't have OCD, I have CDO - the letters have to be in the right order!
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GHOSTHUNTER
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Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
The dishwasher, the dog & the parrot (or Men Just Won't Listen)
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,
"I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you."
"But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
"I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda 's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen.
But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you damned feathered freak!"
To which the parrot replied "Get him Spike!"
Borrowed from a friend, Mr Jim Noble,
Ghosty.
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,
"I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you."
"But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
"I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda 's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen.
But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you damned feathered freak!"
To which the parrot replied "Get him Spike!"
Borrowed from a friend, Mr Jim Noble,
Ghosty.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
What do boobs and toys have in common 
they both were originally made for kids,
but dad ends up playing with them.
Gary
they both were originally made for kids,
but dad ends up playing with them.
Gary