Where are the jokes in the forum?

[AJR]

dad hallowe'en.jpg (36.17 KiB) Viewed 636 times

[zBret]

Mature is Mature, no levels of mature exist. It is either Mature or not Mature. Once something has reached maturity that's it, it can not go to a higher level !
... so no such thing as Extra Mature can exist...

It's cheese that would not stoop to the low levels of my above posted joke photo.

Now Ghosty if your going to make a fuss, you "will not" be going into the cheese shop with us for samples and will just have to wait in the back of the Rolls. As for you Joe (smile for the camera and say cheese), don't even think about it !

zBret

[zBret]

LOL AJR
I'm going to buy some pepsi and find my 10 year old

zBret

[leonty24]

Reality as it is.

Today i was sitting on a park bench alongside a homeless man,

So i asked him how did he end up like this he replied,

Until last week i had had someone to wash my clothes, cook my meals.games room, tv,
a roof over my head.

I asked what happened drugs, alcohol, divorce.

He REPLIED OH NO I WAS LET OUT OF PRISON

[GHOSTHUNTER]

[GHOSTHUNTER]

[Tinman]

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,

'Are these plates clean?'

His grandfather replied,

'They're as clean as cold water can get em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates,as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,

'Are you sure these plates are clean?'

Without looking up the old man said,

'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'. Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!

'Coldwater, bad dog, go lay down now!'

[johnboy]

The force is strong with this dog: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2XFDzUZqBE

[GHOSTHUNTER]

I've gone right of my food now!

Can you find me those paper plates please luv!

[tractorboy]

Some oldies that are going the rounds .....

Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and taramasalata.
It's a double dip recession.
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Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them.
"Bugger that", said Paddy, "That's the last time I go lion dancing".
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Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then".
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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.
Turns out she was a Slovak.
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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate.
When I said white, they gave me a 30-minute lecture on the benefits of brown bread.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
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Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
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Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots......
Your One Year manufacturer's Warranty runs out soon.
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Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital......
One's in a korma.......
The other's got a dodgy tikka!

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A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, Bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?