What you don't see is the Guy standing just out of shot saying..."OK, what's your ball-park figure for the cost of repairing my truck"...
Ghosty.
Where are the jokes in the forum?
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GHOSTHUNTER
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Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
"pass me that wrench.......now where did i put those nuts?"
MOTORMAN
"Kill all my demons and my angels will die too"
"Kill all my demons and my angels will die too"
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GHOSTHUNTER
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Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
- MUM, I Just got me first Email....jpg (60.21 KiB) Viewed 407 times
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
it started something like this:Dear John, I'm acting on behalf of my deceased client from Nigeria...............
John
There's nothing regular about wheels
There's nothing regular about wheels
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Bearing in mind the fact that the General Election is only a few weeks away......
While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a lorry and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to Heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he went down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realises it, it's time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the lift goes up...and the door opens in Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit Heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.'
So St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to Hell.
When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and rubbish.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in black bags as ever more falls from above.
The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of rubbish and my friends look miserable. What happened? '
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning......today you voted.
While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a lorry and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to Heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he went down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realises it, it's time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the lift goes up...and the door opens in Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit Heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.'
So St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to Hell.
When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and rubbish.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in black bags as ever more falls from above.
The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of rubbish and my friends look miserable. What happened? '
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning......today you voted.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
Mike & Nico from Austria.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
A fast food, ... before the start.
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Mike & Nico from Austria.
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GHOSTHUNTER
- Moderator
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- Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2013 4:12 pm
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
...and she was stopped at the Traffic lights waiting for them to turn Green... 
Ghosty.
Ghosty.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
...... or at least, before the railway barriers?GHOSTHUNTER wrote:...and she was stopped at the Traffic lights waiting for them to turn Green...
Ghosty.
Mike & Nico from Austria.
Re: Where are the jokes in the forum?
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=17 ... 46&fref=nf
this is a link to a video of my work mate filmed by me at 8am Friday at work near Oxford Street London (that's me laughing) it was posted on facebook and youtube a bit later
shared with "on the tools" facebook page by me within 48 hrs it has had 2,300000 views
how I wish you got paid for facebook uploads
this is a link to a video of my work mate filmed by me at 8am Friday at work near Oxford Street London (that's me laughing) it was posted on facebook and youtube a bit later
shared with "on the tools" facebook page by me within 48 hrs it has had 2,300000 views
how I wish you got paid for facebook uploads
reg